Sunday evening was awesome. We had regional conference that day, so there were no meetings and church was 11-1 instead of 2:30-5:30, so we got home by 2 and were able to spend the rest of the day together. That doesn't happen very much right now. I'm so used to Dave being gone, it doesn't bother me any more. But when he is home, and he hasn't been working his butt off all day, getting home late and totally exhausted, he makes up for all the time he's not around. On Sunday night, he washed all the dishes, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher (all his idea! I didn't even ask!) took out the trash, helped me clean our room, cuddled and watched a movie with me, and let me take a nice long shower and paint my nails. He is so considerate and thoughtful. I know he feels bad about how much he has to be gone, and that he hasn't been able to help around the house as much as he would like to. He tries his best to make the most out of every moment he gets to be with us. Most nights he gets home after the boys are in bed, but when they are awake, He watches them while I make dinner, he sits and helps them eat their dinner, reads them stories, chases them around the house and plays hide and seek, and helps put them to bed. Usually there's only a couple of hours for him to spend with them before bed, if that. Whenever there's a Saturday he actually doesn't have anything going on, (that hasn't happened in months), he makes sure to spend the day doing projects and fixing things around the house that I'm not able to do myself. He takes me to the grocery store, we go out to lunch or dinner...he really does his best to spend quality time whenever he's with us, even if there's not much quantity.
That's why I get annoyed when people get mad at us for not doing something. Whether it be a boy scout who needs help with something and wasn't able to meet at the time Dave told them he was available, or somebody telling us we really need to take our car in to get it diagnosed and fixed, a friend who we haven't gotten to go out with in a while, etc....we're trying! We're doing our best, I promise! We both have this huge priority list, and we never have enough time for all of it, so sometimes, we just can't do extra things, even though we really want to and they would be much more fun or helpful. Sometimes I just want to shake them and ask "OK, WHEN in the last MONTH would we have had time to do that? WHAT do you suggest we cut out? Should Dave stop doing his homework and fail his classes in his last semester of college, just a few weeks from the end? Should he tell his boss to go screw himself instead of doing the big projects they've been planning out all year that can only be done on the weekends when school isn't in session? Should he stop doing his calling as Young Men's president, stop going to mutual one night a week, stop going to scout camp outs and training camps and his 8 hours of meetings he needs to be at on Sundays? We feel like our callings are our duty to God, and it is important to use them to help others. In our ward, especially, there aren't a ton of solid, active families to carry everybody else, so we are desperately needed. I am in the primary presidency, so sometimes that can be a lot of work, too, but it's been pretty quiet lately. I work 10 hour days taking care of 5-6 toddlers, and more on some days when I take on extra kids, so the housework usually has to be done during nap time and at night, when I clean up all the tornado sized messes they've made throughout the day.
Let's look over the last month, and you can tell me when we would have had time to make extra visits or get our car fixed, etc. This past weekend, on Saturday, we got up at 6am, I drove him to work, went home, changed and got the boys dressed, took them to a baptism, went home long enough to change, went to pick Dave up from work, we ate lunch, then went home and had just enough time to do a little house cleaning and shower before our out of town friends came to visit. The weekend before that, Dave was gone Thursday (5am) to Saturday (6:20pm) for a three day scout training, which he will be doing again in a couple weeks. He got home ten minutes before our big Halloween party started. I spent the weekend without a car, and cleaned and got ready for the party by myself. Thankfully, that Friday, Dave's parents watched the kids and took me grocery shopping, and that evening a friend took the boys trunk or treating so I could have time to clean. The weekend before that, Dave had to work all day, grabbed a couple costumes and candy on the way home, and we went to the church trunk or treat, which was fun, but we also kinda needed to be there, since the youth were in charge and Dave is the young men's president. The two weekends before that, Dave had to work all day. It's just him and one other person doing this huge project, and his boss refuses to let him have anybody else to help out because they're too cheap to pay the hourly people overtime. The weekend before that was General Conference all weekend.
Ok, so how about week days? He gets off work at 3:30, so surely he has time in the evenings? Wrong again. Night time is the only time he has to work on homework and have online webcam meetings with his class groups. He doesn't have time to work on homework during the work day, usually, so he is often gone till 10:30 or later trying to keep caught up. One night a week he goes to mutual, and on Friday nights, sometimes he stays late to get a head start on the weekend work project. So no, he's not available at night, either. And when he is, one or the other of us usually needs to take advantage of that time and take the car to go get groceries. He does his best to make himself available when somebody needs him, especially for his calling, but there really isn't much wiggle room.
I am fine with all of this. Like I said, I've gotten used to it. I miss him, but when he is here it's great, and when he isn't here, I've got a good routine down and I get some housework done. I just want other people to understand what our life is like, at least until he graduates in a few weeks, and stop judging us when we can't fit in extra stuff. We're trying our best to do the things that are priorities and make the most out of our time. i'm not saying not to ask us to do anything, because we are always willing to try and cram a little more in, and might be able to, but please don't get offended if we can't at that particular time. If it's something flexible, we might be able to work it in! We do want to spend time with you. We have all these people we want to have over for dinner or family home evening or go on double dates with when we have time. So don't stop trying!
I fully support Dave in all that he does, and I know that everything he does for work and school is his way of trying to make sure he can provide for his family and make sure we are taken care of. I know that everything he does for his calling is his way of trying to do what is right and trying to be God's servant and take care of his children. Dave has such a generous heart. People don't always see it because he can have a gruff exterior sometimes, but everything he does is out of concern for others, or trying to protect me, or help out anybody he can. Heck, he even gave away a whole couch one time to a family who had no furniture, because we didn't have space for it anyway, and that's just the kind of person he is. His whole reason for trying to make money is to take care of us, but also to be able to take care of other people. I love him so much. So please, wait just another month or so before telling us how we need to be using our time, because we are trying to do our best. I promise.
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