I run a daycare from my home. I take care of 3 toddlers who aren't my own on most week days, 4 on Fridays. One of the moms I babysit for, Jessica, had a neighbor whose kids were friends with her kids. That neighbor's five year old son got diagnosed with a brain tumor at the beginning of September, and Jessica was helping them out in any way she could, meanwhile keeping me posted about everything that was going on with them when she dropped her son off each morning. This family has had a really rough time, especially in the last six months. Their car was totaled because one of the parents sister (a drug addict) borrowed and crashed it. Things spiraled from there. Not totally clear on the order of all the events, but there was a flood in their home, they had to move to a 1 bedroom apartment for 6 months with their four kids, one of them lost their job, they got evicted, the eviction hearing was the day after the brain cancer diagnosis, but the landlord didn't care and evicted them anyway and started throwing out all their stuff and they could only grab whatever they could fit in a friend's car...pretty much everything bad that can happen to a family. It pretty much spiraled out of control. They spent a month living in the hospital while their three other kids went to live with their grandma (well, she was the grandma of the two youngest kids, but not biologically related to the two older). The biggest problem was that she lived in Austin, and couldn't make the trip to bring the kids to see their parents and brother much. She also lived in a one bedroom apartment, and didn't have anybody to take care of the kids while she worked on the weekends.
Monday, October 6, Jessica asked me to watch Austin, the youngest child, for a couple hours in the morning until she could meet up with the grandma to give him back after a weekend visit with his parents. Jessica had decided to keep the older two kids with her instead of sending them back so they could stay in the same school and be close to their friends and family, but with six kids of her own, she couldn't take another toddler, so he was going to go back with his Grandma. The grandma had some sort of disagreement with Jessica and the kids' mom, so that plan fell through. They were all scrambling to figure out what to do with Austin, and I was still babysitting him, so I called and talked to my husband, David, and we said we would take him for a couple days until they figured something out. On Wednesday they patched things up with the grandma and she was going to take him back. I wasn't thrilled about him leaving, but I didn't have much say. I hadn't even met the parents or anything. I told them we were willing to take him for as long as needed. That night, Jessica took Austin to his parents at the hospital to meet with the grandma again. The nurses offered the grandma a free bed for the night so she wouldn't have to drive with him so late. In the morning, the parents talked to her about the option for Austin to stay here with us so he could be closer to them, and after having her heart melted by the brother with cancer who said it makes him happy to see his siblings, she agreed that would be best. I got the text telling me about their decision about half an hour after a less than happy obgyn appointment, which was the first clue that I had a miscarriage. The timing of getting Austin was actually perfect, because our family still grew, just not in the way expected. He gave me something to focus on and distract me. We will have him for the 80 weeks that his brother is going through Chemo, which adds up to about a year and a half.
The first few days were rough. He had been passed around so much he had some serious abandonment issues, so he was very clingy and wanted to be held ALL. THE. TIME. He would have random melt downs over little things like not getting more fruit snacks, being served vegetables instead of goldfish, not getting to take a toy outside...and he would just throw himself on the floor and have a fit. He had a hard time going to sleep the first few nights and would cry a lot when we tried to put him down. At first he kept to himself or clung to me and wouldn't play with the other kids. After the first few days, though, he has been getting better rapidly. He just needed to adjust to a new home and new rules and structure. Now he's trying new fruits and vegetables we give him, he's got this big grin all the time, he hardly ever has melt downs (which is good for any two year old!) and he LOVES playing with Jude and David and me. Jude is super friendly and social, so he brought Austin out of his shell. they get along great, except for the occasional spats over sharing toys. Jude took a week or two to adjust, and got extra possessive of me for a while, but that's getting better as well. It's a new balance to find, just like any addition to a family.
People keep saying how awesome or selfless we are for doing this, but honestly, I think most people in our situation would do exactly the same. I'm used to having tons of toddlers around anyway, we've got a third bedroom with a bed that isn't being used except for nap time during the day, I've got plenty of extra car seats, and Jude's old clothes fit Austin, we are able to financially support one more kid, since we had been planning on it anyway...so it just made sense. he's a great kid, and it's nice for Jude to have somebody to play with all the time, because he loves having friends around so much. It just sort of all worked out.
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